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We need more Tesla jokes — specifically about how dangerous they are.

Here’s the thing: all cars can catch fire, and all EV fires are especially hard to put out. But Teslas are •uniquely• dangerous:

1/

Tesla cuts corners, and their “cheap luxury” engineering habits extend to safety. Recalls are endemic. Their safety record is…bad. There’s hints that their battery cooling system is sub-par. And it’s nearly impossible to escape a Tesla in an emergency unless (1) you’re in the front seat and (2) you’ve practiced using the emergency latch.

Poking around at public data, Cybertrucks ••burn people alive•• 57 times more often than normal cars. Not 57 percent. 57 ••times••. That’s…bonkers.

2/

57 times the normal rate. That’s 17x worse than even the Ford Pinto:

fuelarc.com/evs/its-official-t

Now for those of you who know the Ford Pinto, you know that the car bore the brunt of endless jokes. A comedian could always get a laugh based on the universally shared assumption that they’re terrible cars that catch fire.

That’s a kind of communication that can reach people who aren’t reading nerdy threads on Fedi. So:

3/

FuelArc News · It’s Official: the Cybertruck is More Explosive than the Ford PintoBy FuelArc News
Paul Cantrell

@mikemccaffrey
Yes, exactly! Tesla needs to end up being the butt of these kinds of jokes.

@inthehands What is the difference between Elon Musk and the Nazis? The Nazis were good at building cars.

(Note: I'm not actually sure of the quality and efficiency of the Nazi car production process. Like the trains running on time, it could just be propaganda trying to convince people they were competent.)

@mikemccaffrey @inthehands Rockets too. (Theirs also exploded, but they were *supposed* to.)

@mikemccaffrey@drupal.community @inthehands@hachyderm.io

Wait until you see the Cybertruck v2! I hear it goes like a rocket!

@inthehands @mikemccaffrey I still can't believe how perfectly it was conceived and implemented. Shaking my head as we speak.

@editer @inthehands @mikemccaffrey this is a laser guided bomb aimed at the terminally online

@http_error_418 @editer @mikemccaffrey
…the terminally online •and• trekkies •and• public radio nerds, all three required