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Lulu · לולו

Before my transition, I used to receive very cautious and suspicious responses from women on dating sites, and I realized that they are hypervigilant because of the terrible experiences they had with other people. Now I can see it myself... and it ain't pretty.

@lulu
I think that's the only proof needed to convince anyone that trans women are women.

@lulu I'm a clueless dude, but I was big on receiving explicit verbal consent for any action before that was even a thing. Probably kind of killed a lot of moods in the last 90s, but I never wanted to violate people's rights. I am surprised by how many women seem to really let their guard down around me. I'm not a saint. Just tells me how bad most men must be.

@owner

Yes, there's a bigger point here about how the toxic behavior of men overshadows lovely men who are genuinely great and how this leads to a culture of assuming guilt and bad intentions without evidence or even with evidence to the contrary.

@lulu One of the things that always bothered me, was the alienation from children. As a childless man, I even feel this alienation from my own nieces and nephews. I think it's diabolical that a man has to explain his interest in the next generation. Maybe some of us just want to see them expand their horizons. This world is best when experienced through innocent eyes. Especially as I aged I found myself without any spontaneous interest for the world. Children have that by the truckload.

@owner Yes.

I started watching some youtube videos of Zena & Poppy where they specifically analyze this thing, arguing that the left attitude of "men are inherently evil and cannot be changed" is actually transphobic and sexist, but it also does actual harm because it isolates men socially and make them an easy prey for fascist propaganda. The left needs to come up with a notion of how someone can be a man in a positive way and engage empathetically with men.

youtube.com/watch?v=bGJvFhMhpB

@lulu - I struggle with a form of gender dysphoria in that I always wished to be a much more effeminate male. Not that I wished to be female, although I did cross dress a few times in my youth. As I've gotten older, I've had to turn to weight training for my health and this has only amplified the gap between what I wish to be and what I am. It always makes me wonder if there's a version of an Arnold Classic that is trans affirming. If I ever get good enough to compete, I'll do it in drag.

@owner They speak there about F1NN5TER and how he is getting trashed by trans people for being a femboy (and a very attractive one at that).

As a trans woman, I feel like this is part of my struggle. People should be allowed to present their gender in any way they wish regardless of their gender assigned at birth or their current gender identity.

@lulu I think the binary/dimorphism warps our thinking even when we actively reject it. I don't really believe in a gender binary at all. Gender is complex and nuanced and constantly changes (at least that's true for me). Thanks for sharing. Watching this now. I had a really good Gender therapist who has a PhD in gender studies, and unfortunately I have not been able to meet with her for awhile. Love this kind of content.

@owner Totally agree. I believe binary gender identities (like mine) are valid, but I also agree that gender and sex are essentially not dichotomous and even a linear spectrum doesn't do justice to them. The best way to understand people's experience is to listen to them and believe them.

@lulu - I just don't understand how cultural items like the type and color of clothing you wear and social structures like the kind of role you play in society get merged into gender in the first place. I think we have inherited so many centuries of social control that we really need to rethink everything.

Weirdness needs to become the standard again. If you're not weird, you're probably oppressed.

@lulu As far as reactionary politics go, I think alienation is at the heart of that too. I live in a 98% white neighborhood (all Christian) as a bisexual Jew, and I feel like the ravenous wolves surround me constantly, and these people absolutely vote against their own interests. I think Marx approached an understanding of this in his lumpen proletariat discourses, but I think fragile men need to punch down. If you want to end this, you've got to build up their own self respect.