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There's an old narrative tension in the trans community between late-transitioning former "eggs" and trans kids and others who "always knew."

It's mostly harmless and most agree trans people should be supported and access care as early as possible (or desired).

But there has been a tug-of-war over whose narrative is the most representative.

"Always knew" has been treated as something of a cliche created for cis people's benefit, along with metaphors often used by people who "always knew."

That view seems common on social media popular with later transitioning people who perhaps feel forced to defend themselves because they didn't always know, although in many cases, they suspected but felt unable to act on it.

And unfortunately, there has been a tendency from the "always knew" or "early" transitioning group as well as people who transitioned under the old gatekeeping system toward transmedicalism and dismissiveness of people who come out and transition later.

In the past few years, as attacks on us have ramped up again, I think there has been a convergence toward recognizing there is no One True Trans Narrative about our lives, that many are aware from an early age but many also repress this knowledge until later in life for the sake of safety and social acceptance, and people should be supported in transitioning whenever they're comfortable doing so. Most of us wish we could have done so earlier.

But I still encounter that tension occasionally.

It's hard for some later transitioning people to believe I came out and transitioned in my late teens, in the 1990s.

And you know, I get it, I think?

I look at people who were out even younger and earlier than me with a bit of envy and wonder what I could have done differently.

And I wonder how teens transitioning today feel about people like me and those who transitioned later.

I most identify with kids and teens trying to transition today, under a more supportive environment, because that's what I would have done under those circumstances.

I loathe conservatives and others who want to deny them that, and it feels very personal to me in a way a "cracked egg" does not. Because I was one of those kids once. And I didn't have the opportunity.

But that doesn't make anyone else any less valid.

But you know, I still bristle a bit when people are dismissive of "always knew" and "born in the wrong body" when that's literally how I felt as a child.

It's not just a metaphor we created to explain ourselves simply to cis people. It's a bone deep feeling and something we created to explain ourselves to ourselves in this seemingly impossible situation.

And I worry that some people trying to defend their experiences are undermining the conversation around these kids who need help.

@gwynnion I would speculate that the urge to divide these two groups into two categories is part of our society's tendency to insist that human minds are monolithic rational entities, when we're actually a jumble of distributed cognition. Some folks had conscious awareness of being trans much sooner. Some didn't have the necessary concepts or developed complex layers of repression.

Alexandra Magin 🏳️‍🌈

@gwynnion I thought my "egg cracked" when I was 40, but it sometimes feels like a lot of me knew but a dominant part of my mind vetoed it. Anyway, the more I think about it I have a lot of empathy for everyone whenever they come out, knowing and not acting on it is intensely painful.