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IIRC, there is good research work backing up this from @jeffowski: people who’ve been taken in by a con will cling desperately to the con rather than admit (to others and themselves) that they were conned. People are willing to pay a •very• high price to avoid shame.

Rather than taking this only as a judgmental insult (however well deserved), I’m interested in the practical psycho-socio-political strategic implications for lifting our society out of this deep hole.
mastodon.world/@jeffowski/1122

MastodonChurch of Jeff (@jeffowski@mastodon.world)Attached: 1 image #MAGA

@inthehands @jeffowski I’ve seen this happen. A friend was taken in by a romance con and lost some money over it. Then she lost the rest by refusing to accept the con.

Paul Cantrell

@benjohn
It is really, really hard to be watching something like that from the margins. I’m sorry.

@inthehands I appreciate your concern and kindness, thank you.

I didn't find out she had lost money until some time later, so at the time my wife and I were just confirming to her that the long distance online relationship she was in seemed unusual.

She asked about it actively, whether we thought it was "real", whether she should fly out and meet him (she didn't).

When she talked about losing money she had found an ongoing (local and non virtual) relationship and was in a much happier place.

I think she probably suspected she was being conned at the same time as not wanting to believe that. I've been conned (a laughably trivial amount in comparison – tens of pounds) I was fairly sure I was being conned at the time, but I suppose I "played along" because there is a kind of social conformance aspect 🤷

She seems happy and content now, anyway.

@inthehands … I think we humans are generally very able to hold in play a number of self contradictory beliefs. And I think this is probably a strength rather than a weakness… or, at least, a very reasonable approach to dealing with endless and continuous confounding uncertainties!

But it does leave us rather open to exploitation, particularly when paired with being social creatures who want to help others be comfortable, so we reasonably conform to norms and extend our credulity to them.

Again – a huge strength of humans, I think. I would not want the opposite!

Or – that's my take anyway. I know I have a personal suspicion of "certainty" in myself as well as others, which probably shapes my belief that this is all our nature! Perhaps these are only views true of myself! :-)