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/r/Adulting is full of probably very depressed people posting about how it sucks to be an adult when actually it sucks to have depression
/r/Frugal is full of very cheap people who should probably get financial therapy because it’s financial trauma cosplaying as frugality (I love frugality! But some of those folks.. are not frugal, they are obsessed with never spending money!)
I have a lot of empathy for people like that coz I have been around many depressed people and people with severe financial trauma (and I have also been depressed, and have also had to really re-examine my relationship with money, which is why I’m on those subs in the first place)
It reminds me of the ‘personal finance’ people who are like move to the lowest COL (cost of living) state with no jobs, buy a house, because home ownership is the most important, who cares if you have any friends and family and social networks you don’t need people you just need money
And yes, @MayInToronto is right that there is a huge overlap between adult life and figuring out how to deal with loneliness. I’m not dunking on that. I’m saying that everyone can do better with a bit more introspection. I think the adult loneliness epidemic is global, and going to get worse.
@skinnylatte@hachyderm.io An ex of my was trying to sell me on this concept and was frustrated with me for not wanting to drop everything to move from the Bay Area to wherever in Arizona he was to be with him to do this.
He was like "with all the money we save, we can just fly places for vacation and see family and all that :)" and just no, it's not that simple.
@deathkitten also feels like all the people who moved to many ‘cheaper states’ are also experiencing massive cost increases, and without the huge job opportunities in the Bay Area. Switching costs are always going to be high and this particular switch doesn’t feel super useful unless you’re moving to a place you’re from, or have huge networks in
@skinnylatte@hachyderm.io Right? Ex also outright dismissed my concern that if I moved away from the bay area, I wouldn't be able to afford to move back if I changed my mind about it later.
I'll admit, the bay area isn't for everyone, and it's been going through some massive changes in recent years. I'm certainly not opposed to leaving for the right place, but just picking somewhere with a low COL at random is not that.
@deathkitten moving when it’s the right time and place makes sense. Moving to save money (especially considering how many places are not as welcoming for.. diverse people) doesn’t. No amount of money I could save can make it ok for me to live somewhere where I am one of a hundred Asian people.
@skinnylatte @deathkitten we moved to Florida a couple of years ago for family reasons but while it is cheaper than the Bay Area (and I got fairly lucky w/r/t remote work and the like) it's really not _that_ much cheaper, and if we didn't do it for family reasons we'd have regretted it for sure.
@papajohn @deathkitten I’m never moving anywhere without a nonstop flight to Singapore, for family reasons. My folks aren’t getting younger and this is important to me. This criteria also means.. cities with the same costs.
@skinnylatte @deathkitten yeah, I totally get that. Even from SFO my wife needs to make at least one connection to get home, but having the intervening North American continent to cross before you even start that does add to costs (mental and financial).
@skinnylatte@hachyderm.io @MayInToronto@mstdn.ca it's *designed.* lonely people spend more money on crap and don't organize.
@skinnylatte my FIRE path is get rid of your 2nd car and spend all of your free time at public meetings on transportation, pointing out that the traffic Engineer's new pants are imaginary 