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One of the upsides (there are very few) of growing up #ActuallyAutistic where I did (Singapore) is that it was legitimately just impossible for me to understand social pressure or ways in which I had to fit in. I never once had a ‘I should do X because my parents / teachers / society’ thinks I should moment.
People from back home often say ‘oh you have such a clear vision for what you want to be’ and I’m partly also like.. ‘I didn’t have a choice? Also you all made me feel like shit for it?’
I have always had a clear-eyed vision for the life I want to lead and the ways in which I will not bend to fit in. Simply because I know there’s no fitting in anyway, all paths there lead to rejection, so why try.
Just the other day we had a new train station open in Singapore. I saw a video of a few literal kids who LOVE TRAINS who were yammering on about how much they love trains. I saw myself in them. They were at the door with their face smooshed onto it and they ran into the station when it opened, happier than anything.
Of course some mean spirited Singaporean normies took that footage and made videos about how weird they are.
Singapore autistic train lover kids: don’t listen to them, they suck. You’ll be alright. Keep loving trains.
Neurotypicals don’t know the joy of loving trains or anything as much as we do.
There is also an undercurrent of disbelief that happiness and joy is real, or serious, in Singapore society. If you’re too happy or joyful, there is something wrong with you. Everyone should suffer as much as you did, being bitter and stresssed is the default and anyone who isn’t like that isn’t to be trusted. Anyone who is different is weird and bad. This includes gay and autistic and trans people. And especially people who are all of those.
I love a lot of things about my home, but that mentality breaks so many people’s lives and minds.
@skinnylatte
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same, or similar 
@skinnylatte i get "i wish i was so self assured as you" as a compliment a lot and it's like... for the majority of my life i was told that because of it, i will never hold a job or have friends or be a relationship or do anything because of it all my life. you dont get to turn it into a compliment now that i am delivering society-approved signifiers of success. like no thank you and please go away
@skinnylatte we have a compass, adapt the route
@skinnylatte Huh. I'm reminded of growing up in a small Southern US town, child of 2 teachers, financially stressed, no extended family within about 100 miles, unusual religion for the area, and knowing that nothing I did was ever going to make me fit in. So I didn't try. Probably saved me thousands of hours of contorting myself to try to measure up to other people's bullshit.
@skinnylatte
Oh yeah this reminds me of the thing I told you before about my wife's cousin saying "well who likes their job anyway" and my wife laughing in response and mentioning me and my programmer buddies.
That said I am blessed to have met a lot of Singaporeans with a lot of acceptance in them.
@skinnylatte that sounds amazingly similar to some beliefs my Hong Kong and Beijing friends have
like "waiting for the other shoe to drop"
I asked why they don't like to post on Social Media (before I left big social) about happiness or things to celebrate: a lot of them said "coz my family would say there's something wrong"
This attitude sounds exactly like where I grew up in Indiana.
I don't blame you for getting out.
@skinnylatte It was also the case in America that being "excessively happy" or having joy was a sign of serious mental health problems.
It may still be the case.
I have not seen any really happy people and others' reactions to them in quite some time.
@sasutina13 in California, it is weird to be unhappy… haha
@skinnylatte
That's sad.
Can people so mean spirited be validly called normies? I mean even when a lot of them run governments and businesses I am resistant to calling that normal, because I don't want to accept it.
@skinnylatte That’s so horrible to shit on a person’s joy like that.
Not autistic but *love* trains too - next week I’ll be doing rail and sail to go to a dance music event in Netherlands. Lots of lovely trains: Over 2 days it will be local station; Dromod -> Dublin (2.5 hrs) some stuff there then ferry from Dublin to Holyhead in Wales (3.5 hours) then next day Holyhead -> London (3-4 hours) -> Brussels (2 hrs) -> Rotterdam (1 hr) -> Utrecht (0.5 hr). Definite thrill typing that out 
@skinnylatte when my kids were young we would take them to SFO solely to ride AirTrain.
pro-guillotine 